My name is Benjamin. I come from the UK (although I was born in New Zealand) and I have been described as having a ginger personality. Whatever that means. I assume they're referring to my hair and my Ronald Weasley nature. Aside from that, I'm the only male blogger worth knowing.

You can thank Amber for that lovely introduction, but you deserve much more than just a small paragraph showing my nutty nature, therefore if you do wish to find out more, please visit the
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05/01/2008
Everyday

Just be thankful.

This post has been going round in my head for a couple of days now, and I am still not quite sure how to start or finish it. Whilst my new year was a great one (I went to a party for the first time and throroughly enjoyed myself got lashed), I just feel incredibly down now that I am back at school.

I feel highly unmotivated. I do not want to go to school everyday, revise for exams, complete coursework, or even be bothered with the school environment. It has gone on for long enough, and I have highly considered dropping out - but of course, that would be stupid with only months left.

No-one ever sees the real me either. From my school friends, I tend to hide my online gaming and blogging life. My friends were rather shocked to find out that I want to do a web design course at University, asking me if I had any experience and replying ‘Yes’. From my online gaming friends, I hide my blogging life. And I tend to be a completely different person on and off the net. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine for stopping that. I suppose I was just scaed of not wanting to get hurt.

I want to go back to being a child again. Playing online games like Tibia without having to hide it from my parents because I have A-levels and for hours on end, or sitting in bed and wathcing numerous hours of reality TV show. Even better, not have to work and pay all my bills like car insurance, petrol, phone bills.

Alas, as said earlier, there is only a couple months left of school before I can become what I want to be. Do a course that I will truly love doing the work for, and being to then get out into the world and earn a living from that. I just feel so close, yet so far away at the same time. Very emo, isn’t this?

I suppose that this is a popular time for most people to reflect upon their current situation. Being the new year, people are looking at themselves and trying to find improvement. Oh well, I just got to think that I need to be thankful for the education that I have, that I have a job, and a lot of loving friends.

Ben

Aisling
05/01/2008

In The States they call this “Senioritis.” I totally slacked my last semester of high school because I had already received my diploma. I just felt so bored the whole time! The only good part was drama class. Ha ha. The rest of the time, I hardly went. I spent most of the time downtown. It was fun. But now, I kind of regret wasting that little bit of time to just… chill out in school. Ha ha.

I was a bit embarrassed about my whole bloggy life when I first was with my old roomies. But soon they figured it out (because some of their parents googled and found my blog!) and then it became a bit of a joke. So, it was okay. :)

Jordie
06/01/2008

Sounds like you’re having a midteen crisis Ben Man (or as Kinkyling put it, senioritis)… I’m going through the same thing! We can be in a crisis together! :)

Seriously, though. I know how you feel. It will pass.

As for my social life on the Interbutts, I keep that from mostly everyone. My parents know I keep blogs, websites, etc. but don’t read them. None of my friends know, and I wouldn’t tell them unless I was sure they wouldn’t look at me funny. So don’t worry, you’re not a freak. <3

Chien Yee
06/01/2008

My whole family knows I blog actually, but they don’t bother to read it, except my sister. But the blog they know about is a more public one which doesn’t really show what I think about. And most of my school friends don’t see my ‘personal’ blog because I can’t be a completely different person with them altogether.

I’m also completely unmotivated for school right now. I have exams in 40 weeks, (I’m a sad person who actually counts all the days to the dreaded exams) and still I play online games like Maple and get scolded for it.

Kristina
09/01/2008

None of my friends know about my blogging, either. I wouldn’t want to tell them, either, because I’m a bit of a fake and I don’t want anybody to think I’m a geek. :S

Cecelia
09/01/2008

I guess it’s always difficult to understand where someone who’s practically a stranger is coming from - but for some reason I find it particularly hard with this entry and your frustration with school. Of course it’s mainly because I graduated 18 months ago and I have absolutely nothing going for me at the moment (I’ve gotten to the point where I am actually jealous at the cashiers at the supermarket - because at least they have jobs). But it’s also think that no one should ever feel that way about their education. Not ever. First of all because my education is something I value so much now - my education is the only thing I know will always be there for me - the only thing I can always fall back on. And just think of the privilege it is to go to school - learning new things, improving and evolving - every single day.

I’m actually sorry for this comment - I KNOW that someone telling you that you shouldn’t feel what you feel is the worst thing ever. Of course I hope I can be able to help you look at this differently, but mostly I guess I just needed to get it of my chest..

Good luck with everything!

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