Solipsus

Very recently, I managed to get over my fear of the dark and slightly start to tolerate and dispose of spiders/insects. It may seem strange that a gentleman of nearly 19 years old was still battling to keep a small amount of light in his room at night to be able to see his surroundings or scream for help from his Mum or Dad in able to remove a spider from one’s bedroom, but in fact that was me up until a couple of months ago when I just seemed to get over it.

That was until last Sunday when my Dad had to fly out to Spain for an urgent meeting leaving my mother and I alone in the house (this has no relevance at all, I am just setting the scene, ya-know). At about 11 o’clock we decided that we were tired enough to go to bed and forget all our troubles. 15 minutes later, I feel something crawl up my arm whilst turning over in bed. I screamed, searched my bed sheets, found nothing so resumed to my slumber. Not 2 minutes later; I think to myself “No. This isn’t right. I did feel something.” So once again, I remove myself from my oh-so-comfortable bed, look under every bed sheet to find nothing and then think to look under my pillows. To my horror, I find a spider about the size of my hand standing where my head had been just 5 minutes ago! Needless to say, I scream again and get my Mum to throw it out of the window.

Since that evening, I have had to sleep with a lamp on, and have broken into a routine of scouting my room and all bed sheets for spiders before even attempting to go to bed. As the title says, I feel so annoyed that I had just moved forward in my life by getting over these fears; to then find myself back where I started, if not worse off because I feel so much more scared that I am going to have another spider crawl up my arm.

Ben